Perfect isn't the goal, progress is
Perfectionism - it’s the shiny word that so many of us casually toss into interviews or self-assessments, a “humblebrag” that feels aspirational. But dig a little deeper, and perfectionism is anything but perfect. In fact, it’s a trap.
Instead of driving us toward excellence, it chains us to unrealistic expectations, robs us of joy, and often leaves us paralysed by fear of failure. Let’s explore why perfectionism doesn’t work, its toll on our lives, and how we can shift from chasing perfection to embracing progress.
The truth about perfectionism
Perfectionism isn’t about striving to do your best. It’s about setting impossibly high standards - for yourself, for others, or both. When those standards inevitably aren’t met, you’re left with guilt, shame, or frustration. There’s no winning.
Research even backs this up. Between 1989 and 2016, studies found that:
Self-oriented perfectionism (holding impossibly high personal standards) increased by 10%.
Socially prescribed perfectionism (believing others expect you to be perfect) rose by a staggering 33%.
Other-oriented perfectionism (expecting others to meet your sky-high standards) increased by 16%.
While perfectionism affects people across all demographics, it tends to hit high-achievers, women, and individuals from underrepresented groups the hardest. Why? Because society places extra pressures on these groups to prove themselves and defy stereotypes. Sound familiar?
The five types of perfectionism
Not all perfectionism looks the same. Experts have identified five key styles:
Self-oriented perfectionism: Setting impossibly high standards for yourself and beating yourself up when you fall short.
Other-oriented perfectionism: Holding others to your high standards and feeling frustrated when they don’t measure up.
Socially prescribed perfectionism: Feeling that others expect you to be perfect and fearing their judgment.
Overt perfectionism: Preferring extreme order and experiencing anxiety when things aren’t just right.
Covert perfectionism: Keeping your perfectionism under wraps but battling relentless internal pressure.
These categories aren’t mutually exclusive. Many of us experience a messy, layered mix of these tendencies, which can manifest in different areas of life - work, relationships, personal projects - and often lead to burnout and dissatisfaction.
Why perfectionism hurts more than it helps
Perfectionism isn’t just exhausting; it’s counterproductive. Here’s how it impacts us:
Mental health: It’s closely linked to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. The constant self-criticism takes a toll.
Productivity: Perfectionists often procrastinate, paralysed by the fear of not doing something perfectly. Ironically, this lowers output.
Relationships: Unrealistic expectations - whether for yourself or others - strain connections and foster resentment.
Physical health: Elevated stress levels can lead to sleep problems, headaches, and even cardiovascular issues.
Moving from perfection to progress
If perfectionism isn’t the answer, what is? Progress. Here’s how to make the shift:
Identify perfectionist thinking: Notice when that inner voice is setting unrealistic standards or berating you. Catch it, and label it for what it is.
Challenge that negative internal voice: Counter perfectionist thoughts with facts. Ask yourself, “What’s the worst that could happen if this isn’t perfect?” Spoiler: the answer is often less dramatic than you think.
Embrace imperfection: There’s beauty in the imperfect. The Japanese art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold to highlight its cracks, reminds us that flaws can add character and value.
Set realistic goals: Use frameworks like SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time-Bound) for short-term goals or PACT (Purposeful, Actionable, Continuous, Trackable) for long-term ones. Choose what works for you.
Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend. Therapy, journaling, or exercises like the “Compassionate Thought Diary” can help reframe negative self-talk.
Focus on “Good Enough”: Ask yourself, “What does good enough look like here?” Instead of aiming for perfect, aim for complete.
Lean on your support system: Share your struggles with trusted friends or mentors. Sometimes just saying it out loud can lighten the load.
Your next steps
Perfectionism isn’t helping you. It’s holding you back. So this week, take one area where perfectionism is showing up - maybe it’s work, a hobby, or even a conversation you’re dreading - and ask yourself, “What does good enough look like?” Then take one step forward.
Remember: progress is better than perfect. Progress is human. Progress is how we grow.
Let’s stop chasing perfection and start working well.
